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You don't need a Weatherman to tell which way the wind blows |
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Written by Greg Bird
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Friday, 09 April 2010 |
Name me one job that allows you to be wrong 90 percent of the time without any consequences?
Besides a politician I mean.
If you said television weatherman (or woman in these politically correct times) you are right. I have never heard of another profession where being wrong most of the time was considered all right.
They stand before the cameras and tell us what the weather is going to be like over the next several days, like they actually know! When in actuality, they are just making a guess based on the guesswork of someone else, perhaps the little gnome they keep locked up in the basement.
The only real criteria for becoming a television weather personality, (like how I avoided the gender issue with that one?), is looking good in front of the cameras and being able to point intelligently in front of a blue screen. I have to admit that is a pretty neat trick. They are able to point at something that isn’t really there, and make us believe that a blue mass of warm air is descending on our general vicinity.
They try to confuse us by having these yahoos belonging to the American Meteorological Society or some other prestigious sounding group. (Shouldn’t a meteorologist be studying meteors, not weather?) What does it take to join the AMS - A pair of box tops and $2.50 for shipping and handling?
And let us take a moment to discuss barometric pressure. In every telecast, the weather personality has to take a moment and show us a graphic that tells us the barometric pressure is either rising or falling. What they fail to tell us is what that means. Every child learns about barometric pressure in elementary school and promptly forgets about it by recess.
But they always mention the barometric pressure, like we are supposed to know what it means. I believe it is a secret weather code that informs other members of the AMS of when the next secret meeting and chili supper is to take place.
Weatherman: “And as you can see the barometric pressure is at 36...and dropping. Back to you Phil.”
Anchor: “Did you say dropping?
Weatherman: “That’s right Phil.”
Anchor: Shouldn’t we be buying emergency rations and batteries right now?”
Weatherman: “If you want…I’ll be in Tahiti.”
The weather the past few months has been so unpredictable, there is no way the forecasters and their fancy “Dual- Doppler” radars have even been relatively close.
And what exactly is Dual Doppler anyway? Isn’t it just a fancy name for radar? They always have to have some fancy name for the equipment, even if it’s the same thing all the other channels have.
So the next time you want to know what the weather is going to be, do what I do. Look out the window and take a guess. I imagine your accuracy will be about the same. |
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